As I write, I am on hold with Aeroplan. Don’t ask. The on-hold music mocks my anxiety with its cheerful, bouncy melody. Suitcases are open around the flat after being strategically packed to distribute the weight of our ballooning belongings. Who bought all these books? (Me). Where will “Biggie”, the giant stuffy triceratops, go? (Under E.’s arm). Do we really need these French juice/wine glasses? (Yes).
It has taken a good week to gather my thoughts, emotions, and personal belongings. And I still don’t know what to make of it all. At times, everything feels unreal as if I’m inhabiting another person’s body.
How do you say goodbye? We’ve given out thank you cards and gifts to M.’s and E.’s teachers, and we’re heading to our bakery this afternoon for our last Schnecke of the year. Later today, we plan on visiting some of our neighbours to deliver chocolates and cards with our Canadian mailing address. There’s also been a lot of sickness around, making proper good-byes impossible. M. was ill Thursday and Friday, so she didn’t get to say goodbye to her friends and teachers. Some of my friends in Berlin are also sick (with Covid, even), and I had to cancel my beloved German lesson as well.
On Thursday, I was a guest at the Kita nativity play rehearsal where E., dressed in a white cloak and paper halo, was Angel Gabriel. It was quiet, and slow, and so very beautiful. Then after the play, as we all sat on low benches around the classroom, one of the teachers brought out a little table arranged with two small gifts, a handmade photo album of E.’s four months in kindergarten, and a card. The teacher lit a beeswax candle on the table, and each item was presented to us one at a time. Afterwards, E. and his classmates went into the snack room for lemon cake and tea, and I cried as I hugged his teachers and said Auf Wiedersehen.
Yesterday, I returned my bike, and it felt so final. I rode all around Charlottenburg on my favourite streets, and I kissed the bicycle handlebars before walking into the Swapfiets store. Then I walked home down Pariser Str., noting how much closer our flat felt compared to when we first arrived in the summer.
But there have been bright moments, too. Last night, we had dinner at our favourite Berlin restaurant, Ebert. It’s a local, cosy, family-run spot. We’ve been with all our guests from Canada, but last night was just for the four of us. It was great night. And tomorrow, very early in the morning, we’ll take a taxi to BER and fly home via Munich.
I’m not sure what else to say at this point. I feel at a loss for words, to be honest. I plan to continue this blog even though our season in Berlin is over. I’m curious how things will now look and feel at home, for example. I imagine it may take some time for the dust to settle, but that’s interesting, too. There may even be some podcast episodes in the new year.
For now, thank you for reading along the way. This space has helped me in so many ways, and I’m grateful for your thoughtful comments and support.
(I’m still on hold…)
Photo courtesy of Bao Menglong
Sandra,I have come late to this blog. Just recently someone asked me if I would be interested in reading it. I replied positively, of course, for several reasons. I remember well that even as a high school student your writer's voice was evident and because the concept of living abroad for "a season" sounded so appealing . Although my own travel experiences have all been of the "touristy" kind, I love the sense of discovery that experiencing new places creates.
I started at the end and read your last entry first! But I was intrigued and anxious to go back and uncover what had occured in the preceding months.
I have now completed all of your posts --It was a delight to read of your daily experiences and, especially, your insights -all expressed so very well. Such a gift you have! I look forward to reading your future posts. Welcome back to Canada!
Ah Sandra, thank you so much for sharing. I've loved reading your blogs (often rereading them). I'm glad you will continue. Safe journey home today. Thinking of you all! xo